Monday, July 19, 2010

Home is where the heart is.. or is it?!

I have said it a million times before: it is IMPOSSIBLE for someone to understand what it is like to move to a different country unless they have done it.. it is the biggest mental F@#% UP ever!!

My sister sent me an email from America.. she wrote “when im here, Jordan is home and when im in Jordan, America is home” She hit the nail on the head! Is it possible to lose your home? Because if it is I am DEFINITELY suffering from this…

I have spent 23 years in America, that is home! I have spent 2 years in Jordan and have grown up in those 2 years more than I have in 23 years and can’t imagine living anywhere else, that is home! I’m a mess..

I am supposed to be visiting “home” soon and I am excited/scared/nervous!

I am excited to see my parents, my sisters, my friends! I am excited to drive through the streets that I know so well, shop at the amazing stores, eat at the amazing restaurants, be in awe by the amazing Manhattan.. I am excited to sleep in my bed! Lay on my couch! Watch my TV!.. I am excited to see grass! See bodies of water! See buildings that are so tall you feel dizzy when looking up…. I am excited to go home!

I am scared to be disappointed. I am scared that I will go back and realize that I was forgotten because at the end of the day life goes on.. I am scared that nobody will have time for me.. I am scared that I will count down the minutes until I am back in Jordan.. I am scared that things won’t seem as magical once I am there.. I am scared that I won’t want to leave.. I am scared to go home!

I am nervous because I know that when I go from one home to another Jordan will become a blur.. a dream.. and that is the scariest concept I can think of. As soon as I see the skyline of the city or the half burned lights of Cross County I KNOW that Jordan will feel like a land far away that barely existed.. it always happens and it is always mind blowing. Things there feel so natural, so normal, so relaxing and I have to struggle to remember my life here.. I am nervous to go home!

To be continued from my other home….

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